Podcast host Lexi Leggs, Millikin, interviews Rhema Dai, Texas/Dallas, in this episode about connection, shared values and finding a true family. Finding our sisterhood later in life, Rhema takes us on her journey to Tri Delta, her passion for mentorship and leadership, and how she continues to make an impact, both on education and within the Fraternity.
Rhema is a powerhouse, balancing her career as a professor at the City University of New York, pursuing her doctor of education degree at the University of Southern California, and leading her own consulting business focused on coaching women in leadership. She also serves as the executive VP for the NYC Tri Delta Alumnae Chapter and is an active member of Tri Delta’s Members of Color Affinity Group.
In this episode, we’ll hear her inspiring journey to Tri Delta, the advice she shares with future leaders and her go-to productivity hacks. She’s making a lasting impact in education and beyond, and we can’t wait to see what’s next!
Rhema is always open to connecting—reach out to her at Elevate.ed.d@gmail.com for career advice, mentorship and more.
[Rhema Dai Transcript]
This transcript was created using automated technologies and may contain errors.
(upbeat music)
- Hello, Tri Deltas. We are so glad that you all have joined us today for our Let's
Talk Tri Delta podcast. I'm Lexi Leggs, and I am so proud to serve Tri Delta as
the new Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, Access, and Belonging Manager, or DEIAB Manager
for short. This is a new role to the membership experience team here on staff. And
the purpose of this role is to further try adults' long -standing commitment to
increasing access and belonging for our members. I am so excited to host today's
podcast episode with Rhema Dai, Texas Dallas. Rhema is a professor at the City
University of New York City. She is working in the School of Education, where she
prepares aspiring principals and superintendents to lead our next generation of
students. She has a rich background in early childhood education, a passion for
leadership development, and a deep commitment to mentorship and advocacy. And beyond
her professional work, she has a unique Tri Delta journey that we're so excited to
share with you all today, joining us as an alumna member while building her career
and family in Dallas, Texas, and now serving as the executive VP for the New York
City Tri Delta alumnae chapter. She is also a member of Tri Delta 's new member of
color affinity group. The members of color affinity group is a new space developed
by Tri Delta to create a place for members of color to connect and share their
experiences with one another. We'll talk more about her Tri Delta journey, her career
and her volunteerism, along with her passion for leadership and what's next for her.
So without further ado, welcome to the podcast. Rhema, how are you? I'm wonderful
Lexi, thank you so much. What a wonderful introduction. I was blushing a little bit.
Thank you so much. That's all the amazing accomplishments from you. So I'm super
excited to be able to have this conversation with you, especially as a former
educator myself. Also, just have to say, for those of you who are joining us on
YouTube, Brayma has some very pretty Tri Delta letters on right now here as well. I
want to compliment you on those. I love the sparkles. I love it. I'm I'm gonna
need to know where you got that. - Oh, sure, absolutely. - Absolutely, so let's start
with how you became a Tri Delta. Since you joined as an alumna, can you tell us a
little bit about that journey and what that was like? - Yes, I love telling the
story, Lexi, because it allows me to kind of advertise a little bit and help to
increase understanding for other sisters who joined as collegiates. So When I moved
to Texas, I had no family or friends there. And so I was really in search of
sisterhood and I was able to find out that there are,
among many other organizations that sororities do,
philanthropy and they do work
of round common values and there are some that allow alumnae memberships.
And so I was doing just some internet research and I came across Tri Delta and I am
a researcher, especially now that I'm doing my doctorate and I really scoured through
Tri Delta's Instagram page and through and and looked at multiple different chapters
and everything and what I found was you all do what you say that you are you are
about. I saw the characteristics of Tri Delta really living and being more than just
surface talk, but truly active in the chapters and in nationals.
And that's what really drew me from an authentic place.
I liked the fact that I could bring myself and that you all look at each person
as an individual and an asset to come into the organization and not like looking
for just cookie cutter. So, I found the application online on the website and once
I applied, I was able to meet with a - I spoke on the phone to a sister who then
gave me the names of some other sisters who were in the area and she just
encouraged me to reach out to them. And it was nerve -wracking because here I am,
you know, in this unknown area and I'm reaching out to people asking them if they
can tell me about their Tri Delta experience, but it was actually so lovely.
I met an amazing sister named Ashley who we just had like the most organic casual
conversation. And at the end of our conversation, we had lunch together,
actually, she said, you know what, I will sponsor you. Let's get started on this,
I think you would be a great Tri Delta. And that's the the precursor to how I
became an alumna member. Wow, that is such an impactful story.
And I love how you shared that you were looking for connection. You were looking
for a group of shared values. You were looking for somewhere where you could give
back. And you found all of that in Tri Delta. And I think it's so interesting that
even in your alumnae experience, you were looking for that. We've also seen that our
collegiate members joined Tri Delta looking for some of the same things. So I love
how it can be so impactful in our lives, regardless of where you are, regardless of
if you're a collegiate or alumna member. So thank you so much for sharing that
story. And why did you choose to associate with our chapter at University of Texas
Dallas if you don't mind me asking stories. So what I was told so Ashley was
actually from the the North Dallas alumnae chapter and she was also working in EO,
but previously she had been president of the North Dallas alumnae chapter and she
just said to me. I asked her which chapter I should associate with,
which collegiate chapter, and you're given a list of all of them. And she said,
well, you can do it with whoever you feel like you will have close ties with.
But let me tell you about our pansy pal program and the pansy brunches that we do.
And once she explained that,
That made me think, okay, well then I want to be involved with the collegiate
chapter that the North Dallas alumnae chapter is going to be working with because
that's where our connection is and that's where we will get to mentors,
students there will get to attend some of their events. We do all kinds of things
with the UTD chapter and so that's the reason why I made that decision. - Yes,
absolutely. I love how you were able to have that connection too with the collegiate
chapters and giving back and interacting with our collegians, which is so fun. I
know that the North Dallas chapter and UTD do have a really close relationship, so
it's good to know that you were able to be a part of that too. I love that.
- Thank you, that was great. - Yes. So you mentioned that you joined Tri Delta
looking for community when you just moved to Dallas. So how did that joining Tri Delta
to impact your life here? - It has been extraordinary,
truly. I am an only girl, I have four brothers,
much older than me.
I have never experienced people who were originally unknown to me coming people who
were so important and essential in my life.
The chapter in Dallas welcomed me with so much love,
with so much just-- I think they were just so compassionate.
And especially about the fact many of them, there were transplants that were people
from other states, but many of them had been in Texas for quite some time at that
point. And so they, I feel like they really took me on as,
as like we need to be her family. Um, I remember, for example,
I got really, really sick with COVID and, And my husband was away on business.
And so it was just me, brand new in the area. And my sisters took turns bringing
food, medicine, care packages to my front door.
I was still moving into my home.
Like the two there were two of them that would come over to receive some of my
furniture that was arriving I mean, that's just how incredible it was someone came
to take care of my dog I didn't have to worry that my family and I have a big
family in New York wasn't there My sisters were just there in such a strong way
that it It just made me know that I made the right decision by joining Tri Delta.
And it spurs me on to further good works. I want to give back to Tri Delta all of
the gifts that Tri Delta has given me. Wow. That is so impactful. And I know how
meaningful that is, especially when you're moving to a place that's so far away. I
mean, I've moved to Dallas from Chicago and can only Imagine how impactful that
support system was and navigating COVID through all of that. Just, wow, shout out to
your sisters. I love that. It's great. - Yeah, thank you. - So tell me more about
how your Tri Delta experience has evolved since joining the UT Dallas chapter. What
are you doing now?
- So I needed to move back to New York for family reasons.
And so the first thing I did was start looking for Tri Deltas in the area.
And so I found that there were a few in New Jersey and one in New York City.
And so I started, this is just me. I just started reaching out everywhere and I
said, hi, I just want to get to know you. My name is Rhema. And I want to get
involved. I'd love to help. Just let me know, you know, what you need. And what I
found was that the New York City chapter would be a little bit more convenient for
me than the New Jersey chapters, which are they typically host their events a bit
further away. And the president of the New York city chapter said yes like we would
absolutely love to have extra hands and she we spent time just talking getting to
know each other we clicked right away she um shared with me that there was an
officer transition and that they were there were some slots that needed to be filled
and so she said you know maybe you'd be interested in executive vice president I
said sure I feel like that it was it is a stretch um role for me being that I
don't have that collegiate experience um just learning all of the things in tri
delta but um it has been super fulfilling and it's it's really nice to now get to
see um
how a chapter can create kind of its own culture.
So in Dallas, and I was actually in Dallas, there was the larger Dallas chapter and
then the North Dallas alumnae chapter. And I was friendly with women in both chapters
and would go to either events whenever available. And both chapters,
I can say, are very large. The New York City chapter is also large,
but it's large in a different way where we have many women who come here for a
while, and then they move to other states to raise their families or to get married
or whatever life event occurs and so it's a little bit different in terms of trying
to have those lifelong alumnae active members but it's really interesting for me to
get to be in this position to kind of start thinking about ideas that will help us
in that area and it's also nice to just be in my own hometown as a Tri Delta and
be out and about. I love it. Yes, I love that. And I like how you're able to
find that community, whether you're far away or whether you're back home and being
able to contribute and giving back to Tri Delta in a space that you still feel
comfortable is really important too. I like how you're just taking Tri Delta by
storm and getting involved in so many areas. I think that's really cool. I love
that. So I should just add, so because I am at USC,
I'm doing my doctoral program online, but I have also reached out to the University
of Southern California chapter. So I'm letting them know that I will be there in
May for graduation, and they can't wait to potentially just meet up with them,
maybe see their Tri Delta house and all of those different things. So I just,
I love that we're everywhere and you'll always have a friend in Tri Delta. - Right,
absolutely. That's why we meet in my being lifetime. Like it genuinely is lifetime.
It's transformative. It meets you where you are in your journey. And I like that
there's a little bit of something for for everybody too. And you are living through
that right here, which is awesome. So shifting gears a little bit. We've talked a
lot about your title to experience, but you also have an incredible background
experience in education and leadership. Can you tell us more about your career
journey? Yes. So I would say that for me,
my family always taught me that education is key to freedom,
to success, to access. And so they encouraged all of us,
myself and my siblings, to be excellent in everything we did and to give back.
So I was raised with those two kind of moral values. And I realized in my journey.
I first started out thinking about going to law school and I worked in Washington
DC in the White House and also in the United Nations for a bit,
but I found that those things were not fulfilling to my soul, you know, it was a
wonderful experience. But I decided I wanted to go back to school and that I wanted
to be a teacher. And I can't say that I had a lot of support on that because
teaching, while it's a very noble profession, it can also be seen as a profession
that you may not make a lot of money in. And so there wasn't a ton of support
from family and friends at that time until they saw how much I loved it and until
they saw how passionate I was and committed I was to it.
And I actually was in this environment where I started thriving. And I just was
able to meet a lot of great people along the way who poured into me and saw
leadership in me and started introducing me into leadership positions within education.
And so that started my journey into educational leadership. And you start from the
classroom where your impact is with your students and their families. And then you
go into this area where your impact is much larger because you're also affecting the
faculty, excuse me. and now I'm in a place where I think I've always talked about
this is something that schools of education need to think about or grapple with or
you know reconcile and I've talked about those things I've preached about those
things I've written about them and now I'm actually getting to be in a school of
education and preparing future leaders which feels super inspiring because I'm right
at that place where before they actually get into the work and start,
you know,
doing it, I'm getting to give them just a little more than maybe they would have
traditionally had, sharing my experiences and also talking about those things from an
equity and inclusive an inclusive perspective. Wow, so I love that.
So you are in educational leadership, is that what you're studying right now at USC?
So yes, so right now that's exactly what I'm doing. My program is a doctor of
education in educational leadership focusing on K -12 leadership and also specializing
in urban education. I love that. I also just have a similar experience in higher
education as well with educational leadership. So it is so interesting to see how
you've taken it and how you're using it, especially in the space and still out in
the classroom. I 100 % agree that there's just so much more of an impact that you
can have from that administrative level and standpoint to so I really love seeing
that and I can't wait to see what you do with all of that as well. Thank - I
can't wait either. - Yes. Oh no, it's a lot of research and a lot of writing in
those educational leadership degrees. So I definitely know you're like right there in
the home stretch, May can't come any sooner, I'm sure. - Absolutely, I can't wait.
- Yes, absolutely. So you have remained deeply connected to Tri Delta through your
volunteerism as you shared. Can you tell us a little bit more about what that
volunteerism has looked like for you? Yes. So we did,
of course, supporting St. Jude, but also locally in Dallas supporting Scottish Rite
for children. And so we had an event called Cookies and Castles in Frisco,
which was wonderful, wonderful. And I also can say that it gave me a huge,
huge amount of
business mindset really just it was highlighted throughout the way that we work
together and I mean it really was something that you know when you think of
yourself as a leader there's all different kinds of leaders I could not do that I
was like I will please tell me where to jump in I will pack candy bags,
I'll blow up balloons, whatever you need, just tell me what to do. But the planning
part of that was deep and complicated logistics, and I was in awe of the people
who were in charge of that, that were spearheading it. They were amazing. And it
was just another thing about Tri Delta where it was like, we've got amazing,
brilliant, talented women in this organization. So we did that.
We also would open up to what are some other things that we can do for women in
our area. So we donated to a women's shelter in the area that needed personal
hygiene products. We also a, um, another event where we went to a,
um, I think it was a soup kitchen and we were serving others and you,
it is so, I've heard someone say, Oh, well, how do, how do you get to have fun
and bond with people when you're doing volunteer work? And I, my experience has
been, especially in Tri Delta, that that's when you really get to know a person,
because you get to see their heart, and you get to see their their motivation,
their why, and there's a whole lot of love and joy and empathy that comes across
and doing that work together and it just it's a wonderful wonderful and fulfilling
thing to just have those moments that you remember you were side by side with
someone with similar values to you doing some impactful work.
Absolutely and I think you make an incredible point there about how you can really
see someone's passion in their heart when you're serving alongside of them, because
that's exactly what you're exuding right here. Like you shared earlier that you were
raised with the value of giving back. And I think about how that reminds me of
Tried Delta's value of self -sacrifice. And that is, you're embodying that. You can
see the passion, you see the excitement. It is transformative to see someone so
passionate about giving back to others. And I think that that is just, I think
that's genuinely what we're asking for when our values are being lived out. And I
just hope that others who are listening in and tuning in can really channel some of
that energy too, because it's so contagious. I'm like, I'm ready to go out and
start volunteering to and giving back even more as well. So I just love that. And
thank you for sharing that energy and the perspective. It's so it's really helpful
and important. Are there any initiatives that you are excited about with your New
York City alumnae chapter that may be coming up that you'll share with us? I am. So
we just had a chapter, an officer meeting, and we started discussing new events.
We're kind of coming up with some additional things that we think will be kind of
more of a catchall that will appeal to a broader number of sisters. And one of the
things that I was excited about that we plan to start with is just a sisterhood
event, and that event might be us hanging out together at someone's home,
playing games, reminiscing, sharing collegiate stories if you have them,
or, you know, like my story, your alumna story of Tri Delta,
and just really getting to know each other, taking like, a step back for a second
to get to know each other from a personal level, reconnect, and then engage in the
busyness of the work, because I don't want us to lose that opportunity to really
bond because we are getting so busy with all of the volunteerism and opportunities
that we have. - Yeah, absolutely, I love that. Sometimes it's important to just get
back to sisterhood and the bonds that keep us together too. So I'm glad that you
all are focusing on those initiatives. - Yeah. - So you've already hinted at some
exciting future goals with graduation coming up and other things. Can you share a
little bit more about what's next for you? - Yes.
So I cannot wait, I'm actually going to be defending my dissertation in March so I
would officially be a doctor at that time. Oh, March is already here.
So this month, my goodness.
And after that, I mean, immediately, I also can't wait to have a normal schedule
and rest. But then after Um, the other things that I want to do is really,
I know that there are amazing things that are coming down the pipeline in Tri Delta.
I would love to help you or support you, Luxie, in our new affinity space.
I would love to
work on some I'm already doing some writing and some hopefully these things will be
published on education educational leadership and not just educational leadership I
also want to kind of venture into women in any kind of leadership and talking about
the soft skills that are necessary to be able to navigate the administration,
so they call it. Getting through some of those things. Having -- I actually watched
on our Tri Delta portal, there was a -- there was a talk on how to have a salary
negotiation conversation, and I use that successfully in the past. So I'd love to be
a part of the educational piece behind the scenes in Try Delta,
putting on more of those types of resources for everyone.
I do have a business that I own, which is Elevate Education Consulting.
And what I do There is really work to empower the voice and the presence of women
in leadership. And that's through coaching and mentorship.
It's also through workshops. So I expect that I'll be busy with that, with the
professor work that I do, and then also with whatever I'm able to do in Chi Delta.
- Awesome, I love that, all of these different ideas. And I can definitely say we
have always a space for you and the members of Color Affinity Group and some
support there. We would definitely welcome you with open arms. And then on that
programming side, I know you kind of touched on the salary negotiation piece. My
team one staff is the one that helps to support those programs. So whenever you are
ready to come back and give back, just let me know. I know You're a little bit
busy right now, just a little bit, but when things slow down,
we would love to have you be a part of the programming and facilitate and kind of
get back to the collegians. It's another way to get involved as well in a little
more short term. So it sounds like that might be right up your alley. So definitely
let me know when you're ready and we will take you in for that one. - We'll do,
absolutely. - So I'm just curious, you have so many exciting things going on?
How do you manage everything while being a mom, being a professor, you're in school,
you want a business? How do you manage it all? I, so quite honestly,
originally, I managed it all on a wing and a prayer, and then I got a little
better at it, and I was able to get my hands on a Pomodoro timer,
where you basically can set a goal of 25, 30,
40, 50 minutes of focused work, and then you reward yourself with a break for a
shorter length of time, where you have, for me, what I do is I physically step
away from the computer or whatever the desk, whatever it is that was my space for
work, just to allow myself a reset. Now that I work from home,
for me it's important to get outside. So I will get my baby in a stroller and
head outside to a park. Being in a different environment and the aesthetics help to
really ground me and also help to just clear my mind so that I'm fresh and ready
to continue on with the next work. So using that has been a game changer for me.
I end up, because I know that I have a timer, I end up getting a lot more done
within that certain amount of time than I would if I had no structure to my
schedule at all. They also use my calendar in my iPhone and in I have a written
planner and iPhone so that I'm able to just make sure that if I'm writing ideas or
taking notes, those things go in the planner. And then I go into my iCalendar to
see how that would really fit in the structure of my day or the week or the month
and then once those things go into the calendar, I can guarantee they will get
done.
Wow, I like, you have a very full system there. I literally just wrote down the
timer. I'm like, I think I need that. I might be unintentionally doing that during
my work day, but maybe I need something to really hold me accountable. So thank you
for those tips. You're welcome. And they They have free, they have free Pomodoro
timers. If you just look it up on Google, they have free ones that you can use as
well. - Lovely, thank you. I'm learning so much today. - Good,
that's great. - Thank you. Well, the last piece here, I just wanted to know if you
had any advice for our listeners, especially any of the women that are navigating
leadership or their family life or their careers, anything to just kind of
- Synthesize everything you've shared here so far. - Yes, well,
life lessons.
I would say one thing is,
don't ever give up. I have a magnet on my refrigerator that's,
it's already starting to peel off, but I've had it since 2010, the Winston Churchill
never, never, never give up. And what I mean by that,
how I interpret that quote is that you might have a dream,
a desire, a goal right now that you're not able to really take steps towards it at
this moment. But put it somewhere on a poster,
put it in a planner, put it on a vision board, and know that you can make that
possible. You do not have to give up on your dreams just because you might have
other competing priorities like your children, your family, your school,
your job, women can have it all, women can do it all.
We do have to make sure that we are taking time to rest, to replenish ourselves,
restore ourselves.
My advice is just like I plan my walks, plan time in the day for yourself,
even if it's just five minutes to go and take a breath, grab some fresh air,
grab water, or coffee, most of us grab coffee, myself included, but doing those
things will keep you healthy, will keep your stress levels down so that you're in
it for the long haul. And I would say the other thing too is that It's important
to find mentors and friends who inspire you,
encourage you, and also aren't afraid to tell you the truth about yourself or
whatever is going on in your life when they need to. I love that.
Thank you so much. So, definitely a lot of really incredible and impactful notes
there and things to take forward, so as our listeners, wherever you are in life,
hopefully you're able to take one of those key pieces of advice from Rhema and
apply it to yourself, especially that last part about mentors that are not only
motivators, but can be honest with you. I think that's really important. Having a
truthful circle around us is something that we try to really hold near and dear to
y 'all all know too. Well, thank you so, so much Rhema for sharing so much about
your journey and your education, your experience in leadership. It was truly
incredible to learn a little bit more about you and just what your experience has
been like in Tri Delta from joining as an alumna at UTD to now being an officer for
the NYC chapter and all the ways that you've given back. You are truly an
incredible sister. So it's been a pleasure getting a chance to chat with you today.
It was incredible to chat with you, Lexi, and I can't wait to continue this
conversation offline. I'm so glad that I got to know you today too.
So this was wonderful. Thanks for giving me some of your time and for allowing me
to share. - Yes, I really appreciate it. It was really great to meet you as well.
So thank you all for listening in and tuning in for our Tri Delta members now.
When you all pay your alumnae dues in Tri Delta, you have the option to level up
and get more benefits on your membership. You can go to Tri Delta.org/duesandbenefits
to learn more. Please make sure to like, subscribe, and rate our podcast. We love
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much for joining us, and until next time, Delta Love.